Monday, March 31, 2008

Maybe I Should Start Watching Prison Break Again...

Today I am mailing off my amended tax returns and the money I owe. Even though I have quadruple checked the forms (and my damn checks) I can't help but worry I missed something. Which means -worst case scenario: I will be arrested by the IRS (because they really want their $45.00) and sent to maximum security prison. And I can safely say I will not be okay in prison. I will have to kill someone to make everyone leave me alone. Then I will have to tattoo a tear on my face and I really hate needles (let alone prison needles). And I will have to learn how to make fried foods using nothing more than ground up prison meals I have smuggled back to my room, the oil from my unwashed hair, and a jimmy-jacked heat wand that was originally made to make tea. And thankfully I know in advance to avoid drinking the milk, so I won't get any diseases from that. This is all in my first week (of my 12 year sentence-which is what I am sure the judge will hand down).

Best Case Scenario: I will end up on a watch list for a while. You know, the she- can't-do-her-taxes-properly-and-we-need-to-make-sure-she-is-not-stealing-from-us list (SCDTPANTMSSINSFS for short). I am sure it will be similar to when I traveled to the Middle East one summer, and suddenly I was not able to fly without an orange sticker on everything (including me). This special treatment also included "random" searches of all my belongings every stop I had. Thankfully it did not include a strip search. The IRS doesn't strip search right?

Moral of the story-I am a pessimistic freak who doesn't have a lot to do at work today.

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