Thursday, September 27, 2007

If you are a happy employee does that make you 'gruntled'?- Jack Handey

Here are the highlights from my first week at my new job:

*My office is only 4.5 minutes away from my home. Since 2001 I have had job with crazy long commutes, so I am loving this. Even being so close I have been 5 minutes late twice (okay today was closer to 10). In my defense I was dreaming it was Saturday and shut off the alarm.

*On day 2 coffee was spilled on my appointment book, so I threw it away. 3 hours later I had to dig in the trash because I realized I left something important in it. I found my book covered in coffee grounds and something wet.

*On day 3 I got the chance to clean a toilet (yeah it was an honor). This site has one bathroom for clients and staff to share. I went in to find that the person before me either, had no ability to aim at the toilet (but they did a good job spraying the walls, floors, and seat of the toilet), or they were just pissed, and well, pissed all over the place.

*I still find it strange to be referred to as "Dr." When I had to leave a message for voice mail it took a couple of times because I wanted to sound professional (as in not laugh) as I said, "You have reached Dr. Lorelai."

*Everyone is really nice. I was given a balloon yesterday to mark my my first week of work. This organization has been the place I wanted to work for a long time, so I have been really excited about this job. Although compared to another newbie, who fairly gushes with enthusiasm and joy, I look like Steven Wright. But inside I am happy.

*My new boss is actually my friend, Stanley. I went out to dinner with him and other friends twice last week and both times I joked about what a beast my new boss was. I know one day this joke will get old, but it is still cracking me up.

Well, that's my week so far. As of yet I haven't sounded too idiotic or asshole-ish. But tomorrow is another day.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

In Other News

My new job starts tomorrow. I am nervous to say the least. Wish me luck. My prayer is that I don't sound like an asshole or an idiot (both of which are highly likely as they tend to be my reactions to being nervous). I am also praying I don't trip and fall (which is also highly likely).
I Survived (But I Did Have A Drink The Night I Came Home)...,

My weekend with my mom went better than I expected. I wouldn't call it the best of my life, but I got through it and had fun. To be totally honest it was an eye opening weekend for me. The things I was expecting (like for her to become totally stuck in the past or have severe hallucinations) did not happen. Instead it was like we switched roles. I felt like it was my job to watch out for her and be the grownup.

Some highlights included:

*My mother stopping on the street or any other public place to count the money in her wallet. She would actually pull the money out to do this. How we weren't mugged is beyond me.

*She would also become best friends with total strangers and would proceed to tell them her political/religious/food/cigarette preferences. Then she would try and draw me into the conversation. I am a fairly stranger=danger type person so I would simply smile and walk a few feet away until she was done.

*She burped at me about every 10 minutes. Mostly when we were in the car or in the hotel room, but in public too. The night she ate lobster and crab I almost pulled a Linda Blair. It was like being around my brother when he was 12 (minus the spit wads he would throw at me).

*On our last day she walked in to an antique shop and proceeded to break a lamp worth about a grand. She had a panic attack, but the owner said she wasn't responsible for damages (the lamp has been previously broken and repaired). My mom then told the owner she would buy something (but since she didn't have enough money I got to buy a small perfume bottle for 100.00. Which was a total rip off in my book, but I don't know bottles). In a way this was karma biting me in the ass because the day before I was holding on to a necklace for my mom and it slipped out of my purse somehow (and yes it cost around 100.00).

*Our hotel room was something out of a scary movie (thanks Orbitz). There was mold all over the ceiling in the bathroom. The door to our room looked like someone tried to claw their way out. and the bedroom area smelled like pine sol and funk. I imagine the person who stayed before us died, and the maid thought pine sol would cover the smell of death.

*She has also become really prejudiced towards others. I never noticed this before but when she saw someone she didn't like (Hispanic, Black, old people, Harley riders, teenagers) she would make a mean comment. Out loud. And the people were usually about a foot away from her every time. A little awkward. In my mind she was the female Archie Bunker. Surprisingly, she was okay with a lesbian couple she saw. She told me she thought it was neat that they could be open. At least she likes someone.

*I realized how tense I am when I am around her. Don't get me wrong, I think it is understandable to a point (especially since I never know what her reaction is to any given situation), but I don't want to spend the rest of my life being reserved and tense. Especially since mom spent most of the weekend talking about how I would eventually be like her and my g-ma (which translated to angry and bitter in her mind). When she would say such things I would pull a Whitney Houston in my head ("Oh Hell To The No!").

While we were going home she seemed to revert back to her hallucinations. It was painful when she spent a great deal of time talking to me about the cars that are following her and the people who harass her. I tried to get her to seek a new psychiatrist, but she told me she can't take those meds and she doesn't need them anyway (because she is not hallucinating). Until she gets so bad she needs to be hospitalized it is out of my hands, so I turned up my music a little louder and tried to think of other things.

After I dropped her at her house I went to the store and bought booze. I had a drink to celebrate getting through the weekend relatively unscathed. I then went out to dinner with friends.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Fasten Your Seat Belts, It's Going To Be A Bumpy Ride

Tomorrow morning I will be taking my mother to the coast for 2.5 days. Pray for me, or think good/peaceful thoughts. I am somewhat apprehensive about being in a car for 3 hours with a woman whose major hallucination is that people are following her in cars. This should be great. She called me today to tell me that "they" (the people following her in cars) have been quiet today. Hopefully they'll stay home this weekend. Yesterday when I found out for sure we were going I called a friend of mine because I knew he would understand the apprehension, hope, and guilt that goes along with having a parent who suffers from psychosis.

I have spent this entire week alone and I think it was because of what I will face this weekend (mentally gearing up so to speak). I hope she is in a good mood. I pray that I will have patience for when she's not. I also hope this weekend is something I can look back on with fondness. I have realized in the last few weeks (especially after my g-pa's death) that we have not had many fond mother/daughter moments. More than anything I hope this is a good weekend for her. That even for a couple of days her hallucinations take a break and that she can be happy.

I am sure I will have lots to blog about on Sunday. Or I will drinking too heavily to blog. At this point it could go either way.

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Stories About Other People's Children And Trying To Save The World In Three Hours

Today Supermommy's little boy started preschool, and I am so excited for him. I remember how much fun I had in preschool, and I hope it is a positive experience for him. Last night I had dinner with Supermommy and her children and after dinner her boy decided he was Superman. He used a napkin as a cape and "flew" with joy all around. He then saw a man wearing a Superman shirt and about fell over. After dinner Supermommy walked up to the gentleman and said "Hi Superman." Her little boy was in awe over meeting his hero. Supermommy called him Super burrito (because we were in a Mexican restaurant) but he said, "No mommy burritos can't fly." He held my hand as we crossed parking lots for an evening walk all the while telling me about his super powers. One day he will be older and becoming Superman using only a napkin will give way to hanging with friends and playing sports. I hope his imagination always allows him to see wonder in the world.

Earlier in the week Supermommy talked to him about preschool and the chance to make new friends. He said he didn't need new friends because he already had some. Two of his friends are characters on the PBS show Caillou. He's more interested in playing on the playground. I hope he had a great first day, spent lots of time on the playground and met cool kids.

As we were walking off dinner last night I teased Supermommy about all the free time she will now have (all 3 hours twice a week). She joked about trying to save the world in three hours and it got me thinking. So here's my list of all the things she might be able to do with on one child in the house:

Read a book during nap time (which is of course my favorite thing to do)
Take a nap (which would be my next favorite thing to do)
Grocery shop with only one child (I still don't know how moms shop with kids)
Go for coffee (preferrably with me)
Attend a Gymboree class with the baby
Talk to other adults
Yoga (they have mommy and me yoga dvds)
Take a walk
Paint your nails (might be hard with a puppy and a baby in the house)

Feel free to add more. Lastly, I think first days of school are important to the parents too, so I hope Ponch and Supermommy had a good first day as well (and met lots of cool parents).