Things I Heard At Dinner Tonight

The premise: My brother and his brood came into town for a funeral tomorrow (and though my mother has been practicing singing, it was not my grandfather who passed away). It was decided that dinner tonight would be for my mom's side of the family. While at work I received about 12 phone calls, all telling me dinner was at 7pm (and that was all every message said). My mother even found the number to the school I (am almost) graduated from and called there as well. Finally I called her and told her I was seeing clients and I would be there. She immediately called me back and asked me to look on the internet for plans to an easy to assemble parakeet aviary. I reminded her I was seeing clients and couldn't do that then tried to shut my phone off.

So now onto to dinner. My mother is apparently losing her hearing and shouted the entire meal. Mostly she shouted about how great her dentures look.
She also talked about:
Her IBS (and all the foods she couldn't eat because of it)
Her anxiety (and why she could only eat at Applebee's because of her panic attacks)
The song she will sing at my grandfather's funeral (and how no one wants to sing with her)
How great her dentures look (and was there any food in them?)
Uncomfortable comments about my aunt and uncle having money (and how they were paying for dinner)
Uncomfortable comments about her being poor (and how she couldn't afford to pay for dinner)
She also drank 2 amaretto shots and then said she needed to be driven home. (My aunt was chosen to play dd, but then my mom said she was okay)

And to top it off every conversation also had to be repeated because my cousin who is partially deaf refuses to wear hearing aids but wants to know what every one is talking about.

The twins (who are about 5 months old) screamed for the first 2 hours. A chandelier bulb shattered near our table and I am half convinced their crying caused it.

I walked away full (the new shrimp salad is good), but with a headache. Good times.