As the year of firsts draws to it's end....

I burst into tears while driving to my friends house for dinner on Friday. Thankfully it wasn't ugly crying, as I am easily prone to that. I was sitting in the car listening to my ipod, not thinking of anything, and then it hit me. A year ago that day was the last time I ever hugged my mom or saw her alive. And out came the tears. It has been awhile since I have cried in my car, and the funny thing is that most of my grieving this year has been done in my car. Someone told me that was her experience too after her mom died.

I have been so concerned with getting through the 14th (the day she possibly died) and the 17th (the day she was found) that the 10th creeped up on me.

They say the first year is the hardest. It has been true for me. I have felt a sense of loss at every change in season, and every event she is no longer here for. I am still shocked that she has been gone for a year.

I have a feeling this week is going to be painful.