Tell Me Again For The First Time

I survived dinner with my mother. I really was in and out in one hour which was the nicest thing I could say about it.

Let me begin by saying that since I was young my mother has always told me bad news in front of other family members. At best I can suppose that she needs their support, but since I was a small child I have wondered if it was a chance to create family drama.

Thursday was no exception. She decided to tell me that my grandfather is dying. This is tragic news of course, but it is not unexpected. My grandfather has cancer, and has been fighting it for the last 2 years. Apparently the doctor have given him 2-4 months to live. When he was first diagnosed that was also his life expectancy, so I tend to take it with a grain of salt.

It is also not unexpected because I have known since my own father's birthday. She called me crying about the impending death of her father as I was driving to my own dad's dinner. She has since called me crying on several occasions.

This is the part where all you can do is laugh. She has decided to give a eulogy at the funeral. With her having full blown (unmedicated) bipolar with psychotic hallucinations I can only imagine how this will turn out. When I was first told about this (give or take 3 weeks ago) I turned to my g-ma who said, "Well we've been separated for 17 years there's no reason for me to go." It was like rats jumping a sinking ship. My mother has also decided that she wants his ashes (as in to keep on the kitchen table). So he'll never truly be gone, just in a new container (I think I will decopauge the urn with pictures of glasses of white wine and cheap cigars, to keep it real). Christmas will be interesting.

Lastly, she told me she was planning a surprise for the funeral, and asked if I could participate. Right away I said no (in my mind I shouted, "Oh hell to the no!"). I didn't know what the "surprise" was, but I know my mother. She replied, " That's okay I guess I can sing alone. I mean it's not as if I don't sing it alone everyday on the patio." Drama queen aside, she wanted me to sing a duet at a funeral! At best I have a lousy voice, and I have a big case of stage fright. My mother is also planning the funeral, while my grandfather is still alive. I know there are people who want to plan things out before they head to that big-golf-course-in-the-sky, but g-pa is not one of them, so this is causing just a bit of tension.

So that was my Thursday mama drama. I could really relate to how she was feeling as I had spent the last year worrying about my own father. But she is so caught up in the fact that he is dying that she can't be grateful for the months he has left. I think that when all is said and done I feel the saddest about that.