What makes therapists take notes? Tell them you had awkward dream sex. It worked for me.

In therapy I was talking about my family drama this weekend, and my therapist asked if I have ever heard of this theory on relationships (I forget the name). The gist is that the person you choose to partner with is a model of your most dysfunctional parent relationship (aka MOM). WTH?!? Like my social life wasn't dead already, there is no way in hell I am going to go search out that. Apparently the first step to avoid this is to be aware of who I am attracting (and here I thought it was only homeless men over 50, but really it's homeless men over 50 with major mental illness. Sweet). I am hoping this is a 12 step program, or maybe something like The Secret (that creepy book The O touts) in that now that I know, I can avoid. If not, then I will learn to be okay with being alone.

I then brought up my sex dream, and my therapist started writing furiously. I asked if this was foreshadowing, but she thinks it means that I am too closed off to intimate relationships. Or at least that's what I think she meant, midway through her explanation she told me time was up (I had a dinner to go to and I couldn't be late), but that we would talk more next week. Fantastic.

My dinner was fabulous. I got to see my oldest friend (we met in kindergarten). First she in the WW like me and is losing weight slow like me too. Then I found out I have actually lost more than her (by only like 5 pounds, but she lives in the land of fried foods so she gets a pass in my book). She is a doctor in the South, and we compared horror stories of our family and our work. Both our families are crazy and we both see addicts (she see crack addicted delivering mothers and I see the DEI). Her patient stories were funny and a little sad. Like the woman who got high on crack by putting it in her va jay-jay-so as not to be busted by the cops (she forgot to put it in the baggie first). Did I mention she was pregnant? But she now thinks my friend is the bees knees and seeks her out for all her pregnancy needs. And my friend is slightly scared of her because she is a major drug dealer and could have her killed so she sees her. It's a nice relationship.